* This blog contains sensitive content *

Anxiety is such a complex mental health issue. So much so that I would never dream of speaking on behalf of everyone who suffers from it, because it can present itself and fester itself in a variety of forms. I think one of the most important things to understand if you want to gain a deeper understanding of anxiety is the multitude of forms of anxiety.

Generally, when you tell someone that you’re suffering from anxiety, they automatically assume that it’s a social anxiety. Although my anxiety can present itself in certain social contexts, I would not describe my anxiety as social anxiety. 

I’d be fairly extroverted myself. I don’t shy from public speaking and there are few things I love more than meeting new people. These are things which don’t make me anxious in the slightest.

I wake up every morning with a weight on my chest. This weight compresses me to the point of fighting for my breath. This is immediately followed by nausea so severe it sends me into a cold sweat and sends shivers all through my body. Not an ideal way to start the day. Depending on the severity of my anxiety on the day, this sense can lessen or worsen throughout the day. 

Overthinking would be the symptom of my anxiety which rears its ugly head the most frequently. This may sound like something which everyone suffers from time to time, however in my experiences it’s proved how significantly a mental illness should be considered a form of physical illness too. 

I’m lucky enough to have lived a great life, however mental illnesses should never be contextualised. I’m so sick of phrases like “you’ve nothing to be anxious about”. They can affect anyone and everyone, and through this blog I hope to provide an insight for those who wish to gain a deeper understanding into anxiety, and hopefully provide some form of relatability to anyone suffering who may feel they’re isolated in their own anxiety experiences. 

Relationships/friendships and anxiety:

As a friend, the most important thing you can do is encourage them to talk. Even if you cannot relate to what your friend is going through, it is unbelievably important for them to understand that they are being supported. When your mental health is at its worst, it can be so easy to feel isolated, which is why it is essential as a friend to assure them that they are not alone. 

A sense of empathy is of vital importance, so throwing around sentences like “you’ve no reason to be anxious” or “calm down”, can be so triggering to hear when you’re feeling anxious. As well as this, language like “that’s giving me anxiety” (when you don’t suffer from it) can be so toxic to someone who really is suffering, as it makes their own personal struggle seem more insignificant. It is so important that we remove this type of speech from our vocabulary, as it takes from the seriousness of dealing with a mental illness (same applies for “my untidy room gives me such bad OCD” and “seeing that sad movie made me so depressed”).

If your friend is suffering from anxiety, ask them what you can do to help. Failing this, a gesture as small as a random hug or simply checking in can mean so much. Although this can seem like a small action, it can have the most humungous impact on someone who may be feeling isolated.

It’s also so essential to remain patient and consistently supportive. Obviously don’t allow yourself to be walked all over, that is counter-productive as it can have a negative impact on your own mental health, but do understand how exhausting and frustrating it is to be at constant battle with your own thoughts.

If you get into a relationship with someone who you know is suffering from anxiety, avoid language like “can I talk to you about something later” and “I’ll tell you tomorrow”. When you’re in a state of constantly making mountains out of molehills, I cannot describe how difficult it is to compartmentalise when language like this is used. When you’re suffering from anxiety, you tend to assume to worst in situations like these, and I cannot even begin to count the amount of nights I’ve not slept at all as a result of language like this being used.

For this very reason, I would advise that anyone ensures that their mental health is in its best possible state before entering a new relationship. Although relationships can bring a great sense of happiness to your life, it is unbelievably important not to pin all your happiness on one person. Not only can this have a detrimental impact on you, it is very unfair on your significant other for them to be of the impression that they’re your only form of happiness too. It puts such a huge pressure on the relationship and ultimately will cause the breakup to be so much more upsetting than necessary. I’ve gotten into relationships in the past when my mental health was really at its worst, and I look back at what a horrible state I was in when that relationship came to an end, simply because of all the happiness I had pinned on that one person. I saw them as my only form of happiness during a time when everything else seemed so dark, and I now realise how unfair that was on both of us. 

If you’re suffering from anxiety, here are a few suggestions on what I’d advise avoiding:

Alcohol. Is. A. Depressant.

All too often, it can be tempting when feeling anxious to turn to alcohol or going out as a coping mechanism to provide a sense of distraction. I can absolutely guarantee that for at least two days afterwards, your mental health will reach an even bigger low. 

Do as I say not as I do, but around this time last year I was turning to alcohol every 2-3 days in response to my anxiety. I cannot even describe how low this point in my life was. It became a vicious cycle of drinking, feeling a sense of escape, waking up feeling bad again (obviously – hangover’s are rough), and then going out again a night or two later. My friends began to notice how often I was going out and my real wakeup call came when a close friend texted me saying “I feel like every time I talk to you these days, you’re either drunk, hungover, or getting ready to go out and get drunk again”. This was such a reality check that I ended up staying off alcohol for several months afterwards. 

Another thing I would advise avoiding is excessive social media usage. When you’re already faced with this sense of isolation, you begin to take it so much more personally when someone isn’t replying or hasn’t checked in in a while. 

I’ve personally found that the likes of Instagram has had the biggest negative impact on me when my mental health has been bad. On Instagram, there tends to be a sense of judgment. On Instagram, you’re exposed to photoshopped photos of models with “perfect” figures and “perfect” skin, and at a time when you’re already feeling quite insecure, it can be easy to adopt coping mechanisms which offer you a sense of control. One of these coping mechanisms which typically accompanies being exposed to these “perfect” models is adopting eating disorders. Although eating more healthily and going to the gym are advisable when suffering from a mental illness, this should never become excessive. 

The most important thing not to do when suffering, is to suffer in silence. SPEAK OUT. You would be so surprised how easier it gets with every time you let a wall down and tell a loved one about what you’re going through. A problem shared is a problem halved. 

The bits no one talks about:

From speaking to others suffering from anxiety and in terms of my own anxiety, there are aspects to the mental illness which I feel aren’t spoken about enough. For such a complex issue, there are many “habits” and physical ailments which I’ve heard little coverage on. I want to speak about these so that those who don’t suffer from anxiety can gain a deeper understanding to the complexity of the issue, and so those who do suffer from anxiety understand that they’re not alone in some of these symptoms. This happens all too often and is when you really begin to see a mental illness transform into a physical one.

1. Fidgeting

This may seem like a basic ailment when dealing with anxiety, however it can range from simply twiddling your thumbs to scratching yourself, biting your nails, peeling the skin around your lips, until you end up actually drawing blood. This can be done both consciously and subconsciously.

Personally, at times of severe anxiety, I scratch one particular area on my leg. The other day I did this while in the shower. This was not a conscious thing; however, I was feeling particularly anxious at the time and had been overthinking at the time. It wasn’t until I came out of this daze that I looked down and realised I’d left myself with a massive patch of dark red spots on my leg where I’d burst blood vessels from scratching too hard. This has since developed into a huge bruise on my thigh. 

From talking to others, I’ve realised how common nail biting can be too in terms of anxiety. Although this can just be a bad habit and isn’t always linked to anxiety, it can offer someone who’s feeling anxious a sense of escapism and control. 

1. Upset Stomach

This comes in a variety of forms and is unbelievably common. It can range from stomach cramps to vomiting to fainting to everything in between. Another reason why alcohol consumption can be so bad for anxiety is its impact on your stomach and how much it can upset these symptoms. Dealing with this symptom in particular is also why a healthy diet is so important. It can be the cause of high embarrassment but it’s important to remember that it effects such a huge number of those suffering from anxiety. 

1. “Sleeping Around”

This is very much a taboo topic, however, can re-install a sense of confidence in someone who may be feeling particularly isolated or vulnerable. This vulnerability is also what can make doing this so dangerous when in a mentally fragile state. As a friend of someone who is suffering from anxiety, it is important (particularly on nights out) if you notice that your friend has a new-found tendency to end up back in other peoples’ apartments (particularly if it’s very out of character). This is very much when an intervention is needed.

1. Rash

This can go hand-in-hand with the fidgeting symptom, but also can be a stand-alone symptom. This happens to myself and many others who I’ve spoken to who suffer from anxiety too, leading me to believe that it is far more common than it is perceived. This hot flushing of the cheeks arises for a lot of us when we become anxious. For me personally, it presents itself in large blotchy patches which cover my face, neck, chest and arms. 

I cannot stress this enough – if you don’t suffer from anxiety:

DO. NOT. POINT. THIS. REDNESS. OUT.

This applies for anything which we may be self-conscious about e.g. spots, weight gain/loss, greasy hair, etc. (regardless of anxiety or not, never point these out). All too often, I’ve spoken to people who have had their rash addressed in front of large groups of people (myself included), which causes embarrassment and further redness. So just don’t do it. Pls.

Coping mechanisms:

I cannot recommend exercise and eating healthily enough in regard to dealing with anxiety. These go hand in hand with getting a good night’s sleep as well, which is also so beneficial to someone prone to anxiety.

Insomnia can be common when you’re prone to anxiety, so tiring yourself out throughout the day and avoiding caffeine are very advisable. I always finish off my day with Pukka ‘Night Time’ tea (queue baby yoda sipping tea GIF). I’m not sure if it actually has any qualities to it which make it cause you to fall asleep, but the placebo effect can do wonders. I find it extremely difficult to be left with my own thoughts before falling asleep, so every night without fail I listen to music, podcasts, or a dull Netflix show, as I fall asleep. 

Although like myself, you may wake up feeling anxious, I cannot express how important it is to get out of bed. Nothing good ever comes from staying all bed all day, torturing yourself with your own thoughts. Set short term, medium term, and long-term goals for yourself, so with everything you do there’s a sense of achievement.

Meditation and yoga are so beneficial to someone with a racing mind, as it stabilises your breathing. The power of deep breaths is second to none, as oxidising your brain convinces your brain that you’re calm (hence why your breathing is so much heavier when you sleep). Your breath is always available to you and as you take longer breaths, it draws your mind and attention to the present, rather than dwelling on the past or future. 

Keep as on top of your college work as you can, and don’t leave everything to the very last minute. Leave your house in plenty of time to get to work and college. Basically, ELIMINATE ANY UNECESSARY STRESS. 

Making plans with friends is so so important. It can seem very bleak at times when you’re at your most anxious and feel you’ve nothing fun to look forward to, hence the importance of setting goals and making an active effort to make plans to meet up and have fun with friends. 

However, never be embarrassed or ashamed to cancel plans. Your mental health should always be a priority, and it is never selfish to prioritise your own mental wellbeing. It is so beneficial to surround yourself with people, but sometimes you need to give yourself a break. Try not to do this too frequently though, there’s such strength in unity.

The most important thing to do if you’re not feeling mentally well is to speak out about it. If the matter persists, seek professional help. There is absolutely no shame in doing this. With 1 in 4 of us suffering from ill-mental health at some point in our lives, you will be shocked at how many people will relate to you once you start the conversation. In doing this, you may give someone the confidence to speak out about their own problem.

At a time when you’re feeling most vulnerable and alone, it is so important to understand that you are not. 

Contacts:

-       Samaritans: 116 123

-       Pieta House: 1800 247 247 or text HELP to 51444

-       NiteLine: 1800 793 793

-       Aware: 1800 80 48 48

-       IACP: 01 230 3536

by: anonymous